Death

I sat with a palliative patients for my down time(which surprisingly enough was a fair bit tonight).  It allowed me some time to think about a few things I dont' get to do very often.  It made me realize how thankful I am that I was able to be with both of my parents when they passes.  I think dying alone would be horrible.  Thus the reason I choose to be at this patient's bedside as much as possible.  It also allowed me to have a few solid uninterrupted moments of remembering my folks.  HOw I miss them.  My life is so full of exceptional people, a great man, awesome children, divine and delightful friends, a great church family, a good job, an excellent relationship with my sister and yet still a void.  Mom has been gone alomst 9 years.  That hardly seems possible.  Dad only 2.  yest sometimes it feels as though it was only yesterday.  I realized two things tonight...1)--I have not properly mourned the loss of my DAd and 2)--I wish with all my heart my Mom could be here to experience all the crazy, silly and wonderful things my boys do.  Is it selfish, yes perhaps a bit.  And I realized it's a far away sort of thought, but it does exist.  I know Heaven is a far more grand place than this earth could ever be.  To sit with Jesus would be simply the best feeling.  But once in a while I try to imagine how different it would have been if they were still here.  Than I remind myself it's God's timing--and  have to continue to trust.  As I scribe this my lady clings to her earthly life.  Death is imminent and yet she is still so resistive.  I pray for peace.